Bill Keefe, Founder HighSchoolBlues.com
Confidence and courage can be learned. They evolve over time through practice, and yes, by making mistakes. As a matter of fact, sales people, the group of people known for their charisma and confidence, spend more time and money developing these skills than any other group. They buy books, listen to tapes and enroll in seminars to help keep them positive and to develop essential people skills.
What appears so natural comes from constant role playing, practice and most importantly, rejection. It is part of life, and a part of moving forward. Within rejection is the feedback for improvement and changes. So instead of fearing it they welcome it. The good news is that as skills develop rejection is reduced, but it is never eliminated.
The more you understand where confidence comes from, the easier it is to create. Start with your expectations. If you think that confident people behave that way because they are always secure, you are quite wrong. Some people who appear to the world as very self-assured are themselves challenged by insecurities.
Learn from this as there is no reason to show the world that you don't feel confident. Resist acting like it and certainly don't tell anyone how you are feeling. In other words "fake it". Watch the actions of confident people and mirror their behavior enough so that your actions appear to be that of a confident person. Outwardly there is a very thin line between "true confidence" and "acting confidently" so start here while you develop your true confidence.
Increased preparation also facilitates confidence. An athlete spends hours on learning plays, an actor rehearses lines over and over, and salespeople practice their presentations in front of a mirror. Would you rate athletes, sales people and actors high on a confidence scale? Probably, but instead of relying on "natural" abilities, these people work hard getting ready to perform.
The same principles apply if you want to develop more confidence, practice. Whatever the task, nothing will create more confidence than preparation. Preparation is another word for action. A presentation in front of a prospective investor, asking for a date, or simply projecting a strong image, all can be accomplished with the right amount of preparation.
How do you practice?
- Write it down
- Re-write, edit, and make improvements
- Role-play with a friend
- Practice out loud; record your words if possible
How much time should you spend? Spend enough time for you! Take more than you need. Just do it.
Now you are ready for the most important part:
Athletes lose, actors bomb, and salespeople don't close all deals! Adversity is a normal part of their lives. You will make mistakes, suffer embarrassment, and put your foot in your mouth. Expect some bumps and bruises. Mistakes, rejection and embarrassment at times may be painful, but provide valuable information necessary for getting something right. Expect to fail some of the time and learn from it.
While it is important that others see you as confident, it should not be their approval that really matters to you. True confidence should be what you seek and it is not a result of preparation or perception it is instead a state of mind, one which will only be available to you when you make the decision to become self-determining. Trust in yourself, your ideas, your actions and in your instincts as it will elevate your awareness and eliminate the fear of criticism and circumstances that are out of your control.
This mindset allows you to observe and evaluate the nonverbal communication of others, to listen intently, and to maximize the use of your intuition. This is all possible because you no longer are self-conscious and worried about how you look and what others might think of you. No person has the ability to observe others and themselves at the same time. Those overly concerned about what others think of them will miss ideas and opportunities available through concentrated thinking.
If you are fully committed to the attainment of your success true confidence will be with you at all times. So if you have lived in manner that has not demonstrated your confidence and courage don't assume that you lack what it takes to accomplish your mission. Quite the contrary, until this point you haven't identified anything important enough to you to push past your comfort zone. The context of your success will determine when to demonstrate your strong character. When the time comes you will be ready.
